I am writing this today because it is only today that I can.
It has been 10 months since I have left my home, and I know, that soon these emotions shall fade away.
I am 23.
And for 22 years of my beautiful life, I have lived with my family.
Ma, Papa and a sister. A complete, little perfect family.
Yes, I miss them, very much. Yes, I am a very emotional person.
And it is today that I am worried for the future that we await. Worried that we might never be together again, I might not be able to take care of them, that the time that will come will be harsh on all of us. I know that my life will soon change. In a matter of few years, I will get married, will have kids, will have a family of my own. And it is what that worries me. That it has all changed, forever.
Never again, will I be able to go back to the days where my mornings began with the soft touch of my mother’s hand on my forehead. Where for a while, she would just sit, look at me sleeping, caress my forehead and then I would wake to see her smiling face.
Never again, I will be sitting next to my father for hours, sipping tea, discussing the world with him.
Never again, would me and my sister fight over the stupidest thing ever, and not talk to each other for days.
It is all gone now, the time had passed. And it breaks my heart. It shatters me.
But I know that this change is inevitable, and I have to accept it, and trust me, I am trying.
But before I accept it all, before this memory fades, before I become too engaged in a life that awaits me, I want to pen something down. I want to write this letter, this little bunch of petty words to my family, just to let them know, that being far from them, is really the hardest thing I ever had to face.
“Here I am, miles away from you, thinking about you all the time. I have a perfect life here, and I have had a wonderful life before, which is your gift to me.
It is now, that every day, when I look at myself, I see your reflections. I see that I am a shadow of yours; I see how you all beat inside of me, all the time.
You really don’t know, that you have been the very bricks on which I have built myself. You have taught me so much, given me so much, that every word that I speak has the essence of your thoughts.
Just today, I remembered an incident, where we were enjoying on a long drive, just the four of us, like always. I was a little girl, really happy, singing songs, and I exclaimed, “Daddy, this is called the enjoyment of life” and you appreciated me, admired me, and there and then taught me how the simplest of things bring the best of happiness.
And I remember how, you would take the day off from work, and I would not go to school, and we would sit together all day, watching anything and everything on T.V. It would just be a day, but it meant so much, since it taught me that work is important, but not to an extent where family could be compromised.
Every single day for us was a celebration, because we did not need an occasion to be happy. We were enough for each other, enough for our happiness.
And today I can proudly say, that all these learnings have made me a wonderful person. A someone who can be happy with the little things, who knows how important family is, who knows what love truly means, a someone who has so much compassion in the heart, that cruelty is a word unknown to me.
And I just want to let you know, that I miss you. I miss what family meant, I miss being daddy’s little girl, and mommy’s pretty daughter, and my sister’s annoying sibling. I miss myself, I miss who I used to be.
But I know, that time has changed, and it had to change.
Just know, that whatever changes, where ever I be, I will always be your baby. I will always love you, and always make you proud.”
#From the pages of my diary 🙂